WOW, wow . . . wow

So as I was going through this jewlery catalog I just got in the mail and was browsing through the pages. I was looking at this one page and there it was. Plan as day. The EXTACT ring I had bought for and given to my ex boyfriend four days before we broke up. Oh it gets better. Not olny did he lead me on during that whole time, saying "I love you", I was the one who had to call him and ask what was going on because he was sooo distant. On top of all that, it was the day before I was due to sail out to Catalina and work for nine months at camp. REALLY?! I did not need to see that. I was happy to forget about him and all that he had done to me. I learned so much from that relationship ending and am soooo glad that we are not together anymore, but I dont need to have my past thrown into my face. And what am I supposed to do with the old promise rings I still have? I don't want them, but I don't want to get rid of them. I want to barry it somewhere where someone will find it and I'll never know and they'll be happier for it. That's what I want. I'm going to go camping and leave them there. Maybe I'll leave them at camp the next time I head out there. Now I'm with my new boyfriend of 3 and a half months and it's making me scared for our relationship, I mean none of us know the future and that could happen to us. I need to put my happiness and faith in God and myself alone. I need to think about me and not to depend on a senario that may never happen. I hate that past relationships have had this negative film now carrying over to my new boyfriend. I love him, a lot. But I also loved those guys too. Past tense here, but still it could happen again. At the end of the line, day, road, whatever I just need to be happy with me and follow God and do what I need to do. Now I'm upset and he shouldn't have that power over me. This week I get rid of the last of past relationships. I HAVE to do something with the rings, but more importantly, I give Glenn the USMC Marine sweat pants I've still had this whole time. It's time to really put it all behind me and say goodbye to them. They are part of my past now, and thats all. It's ok to let go sometimes, maybe thats my new years goal, to let go of things that Im still holding on to. I also need to treat and take care of my heart better. I need to gaurd it carefully, even though it's been given to Glenn. I just need to forget, but still remember that it could happen to us. I've been through this "He's the one" bit and have it broken apart. I don't want that. I know that God's got my back and someone amazing is going to be there for me to be with me in marrage and I'm learning what I need to learn in the relationship for a reason. Whatever happens is going to happen anyway so why stop it? I sjould just enjoy the ride and love God. That's all you really can do. Life is a journey, not a destination. You only get one life, one short time to spend on this Earth so make it count. Life is a crazy ride, and no one makes it out alive.

Don't forget about me.

Ok seriously, what the heck?! I feel like everyone is moving on in their lives and getting married and having babies. Everyone except ME!!! What in the heck. I want that, well first I want to graduate with my nursing degree, but I want to get married. It gets so discouraging when I hear about my friends, and they totally deserve it, but when is it going to be my turn you know???? Ugh, I hate this.
You know like when your little and you KNOW what you'll be doing when you're older? Like you'll know when you'll get married, how it will be, when and where you'll go to school, how old you'll be when you graduate. Then you'll move and live happily ever after. . . and then you get older and you realize, not so much. I feel like that now. And can I ask? What is the point of an A.A. degree? Like really? I can't do anything with it. It's a glorified diploma if you ask me. Just where I am now it seems like I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I don't want to work at some "job" and make what I make. I want to make a difference in peoples lives. I want to get out into the world and see it before I get too swept up in it. I want to learn things and do things, that not many people get the chance to do. I know right now I must sound like so little spoiled kid complaining to their daddy that they want it NOW!!! And maybe that's what God is teaching me, to be pacient and happy where I am. He knows what he's doing and I don't think I'll move forward until I can grasp that and be ok with it. Not just ok, but Really happy where I'm at. I do have a great life and I'm very happy I know that, I just need to be reminded of that fact.

My Birthday

First post: Huzah!!!
Well since I'm in one of those moods where you're soooo tired right up until you get into bed snuggled up to your stuff-y of choice and then . . .NOTHING. I swear I can not sleep. I think it's because my brain know that I'm off for the next two days, so it figures I can make it up between now and then. Anyways, with all this time on my hands I start thinking (and browsing) as to what pray tell I might just be doing to celebrate my day of birth. And then it hit me like . . . ummm . . . bird poop, Sea World!!! Not any old trip will do, but I want the full deal since I'll be one year older, and hopefully wiser:) So I found this mother's blog about how she took her two daughters to do this attraction. They got to prepare food for the day, be in the dolphin show, interact with Seal/Sea Lions (ten points if you can tell me one differance between the two), and hang out with Shamu, and SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS!!! I'm so stoked, I can't wait. And of course it's going to cost me about 500 dollars (technically 495, but I round up), but since I'm about six months early, Ill have plenty of time to save up for the whole trip down there. I figure 30 bucks every week ought to do the trick (30*20, for those of you who are visual learners:). Even though it's going to be a lot, it really is so worth it. Then I figure I can visit friends in the area and maybe make a weekend out of it. I lucked out and my birthday is on a Friday (SWEET!).
In other news, aparently I'm not the only one up. I just heard my mom downstairs set the alarm. I think she is hittin' the hay, which is something I should think about doing. It's hard when I have sooo much going on in my head. Maybe I'll go T.P. someone's car . . . by myself . . . on a Monday night . . . wow that sounds lame when you read it like that. Speaking of which I start school in a week. A week people! Anatomy/physiology with lab six unit class (oh joy) and a easy A personal Health tele/video class. I orignally took it last semester when I was on the island, but dropped it because I thought it was online, whoops.
Oh yea, for those of you who aren't in the "know" I worked at a year round marine Biology/ecology Christian camp on Catalina Island from ladt March to October 30th. I was sooo planning on going back after the winter season, but things hapened with managment plus school so I decided not to go, which really I want to go back for the people I was working with (minus a few, but thats everywhere). And NO ONE is coming back next year, so there really is no point. Well see if I can continue to adjust to "normal-ness". Yea, that's not a real word, but you couldn't tell me the differance between a Seal and Seal Lion (and not it's not that one has "Lion" in their name). Here's your Marine Bio. lesson for today, this ones on me.
Sea Lion males get up to be 800lbs/ females 300lbs.
Seal males and females are both around 300lbs.
Sea Lions have ear flaps.
Seals don't.
Sea Lions can sit up on their front flippers and walk out of water.
Seals can't sit up and "scoot" to move out of the water.
Seals Lions use their front flippers to swim.
Seals use there back flippers.